Recently I had the honor of preaching at the wedding of two women on the banks of a lake in Knoxville, TN. The couple is organized and plans way ahead. They asked me over a year and a half ago if I would be a part of their big celebration. I was thrilled at the news of their engagement. I put the wedding date on my calendar and looked forward to being in Knoxville with them.
After such a long period of planning and anticipation, I was excited when the weekend finally arrived. I found the wedding location, a beautiful barn built specifically for big events and boasting views of the lake, and met up with the priest who was presiding over the wedding. The wedding planner connected with us and we were delighted to find she was great to work with.
The other priest and I walked down to the site of the ceremony and waited as the planner organized the wedding party and sent them our way. The bridesmaids and “best buds” found their places on either side of us and the two brides entered on either arm of the daughter of one of the brides. They were all smiles and love seemed to become a mother hen, fluffing us under her wings as she came to settle over us all.
My colleague walked the wedding party through the ceremony and reached the point where the ring bearer needed to step forward to hand over the rings. Of course, the maid of honor and best bud had the actual rings. The ring bearer carried two decoys in a little blue box. We’ve all learned not to entrust a five-year-old with diamonds at this point.
The priest asked the ringbearer to come forward for his big moment. He squeezed between two of the best buds and came to stand just to the right of the couple, then looked up at the two brides. Usually a ring bearer will anxiously hand off his pillow or box then scoot back to his parents or grandparents, but this little boy decided to stay and watch.
As the officiant walked each bride through her words as she presented a pretend ring to her betrothed, the ring bearer looked up at them in wonder. He knew something special was happening here, that he had an important job and now was a part of a significant moment. I chose to watch him, his eyes wide and full of curiosity and inquisitiveness. He wasn’t marveling that there were two brides. Rather, he had the same look as all other ring bearers trying to figure out why this was so important. He was watching and learning about love and the weight of the commitment made by two people who love each other deeply.
I was awash with hopefulness. There is plenty in the news today to have me discouraged, anxious, and even frightened at moments. I get down on people and lose hope in humanity, feeling that we seem hell-bent on ruining all of creation and hurting one another . But then this little boy stood there, eyes full of wonder, and my heart softened. Hope came back to me.
That little boy will never know a time when people of the same gender were prevented from proclaiming their love for one another in a marriage ceremony, recognized by the state as a sign of their commitment, on equal footing as every couple of opposite gender. For him, two women are as much a married couple as a man and a woman, same as for two men. The world has changed for the better and he will only know that improved reality, the same as my own children. My kids always have had friends with two mommies or two daddies, as well as friends with a mommy and a daddy.
The father of one of the brides originally had threatened not to attend the wedding. He’s a Southern Baptist preacher and had long condemned homosexuality. “Gay marriage” as an abstract concept is easier to argue against than when it comes home and you see it in action, defying long-held theological beliefs. We hold our beliefs and doctrine tightly and any threat to them can feel like a threat to our very identity. Many family members of LGBTQ friends have had to struggle with the conflict between beliefs they were handed and the reality of love in action as evidenced in front of them. It’s a hard struggle and not to be minimized.
In this instance, the father set aside his objections and decided to come. Likely, he realized it would be hard to live with the regret of not attending his daughter’s wedding. He was there at the rehearsal, watching and learning right along with the little ring bearer. His expression might have been quite different from that of the little boy, but he was absorbing the activity all the same. During the ceremony I saw him watching intently, witnessing the depth of love his daughter shared with her bride. He could not escape the warmth of the wings of love as the mother hen settled further on us all, enveloping us in our tears and joy.
I had to leave soon after saying grace at the reception but not before I saw this same father catch his daughter up for a traditional father-daughter dance for all to see. I learned later that after he danced with his daughter, he asked to dance with her bride. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. By the grace of God, people change; we change; the world changes.
The mother hen of grace and love is determined to pull us all under her wing, regardless of our efforts to resist. God wants us together, celebrating love at every turn. We need these moments, these brides, the little ring bearer, and the reconciled father. We need to see the power of the Spirit working in the world, determinedly marching us towards justice and love, regardless of our rebellions and in our best interest.
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